Sunday, December 17, 2006

Local Health Officials Declare a Homedemic on Amelia Place

Local health officials declared a homedemic at 2140 Amelia Place yesterday. Fifty percent of the public have fallen ill thus far. The viral attack caught officials off-guard. "When the heck am I going to do my Christmas shopping?" one official was quoted as asking. Leadership at the home wants to assure the public that, though severe, it is not life-threatening. "You are NOT going to die" was the oft-repeated statement to victims. It is reported that the viral attack includes instances of sudden oral ejections. Alert officials switched hydration protocol from cola-based sodas to un-cola-based sodas in response. Although attacks of this kind often target the young and the old, officials note that the attack has thus far spared the senior members of the home. "We may be seeing the return of a virus from more than twenty years least we hope so", reported one health officer. Health officials have worked overtime to assist the afflicted. "Mostly we just try to keep them entertained and properly hydrated", stated one.

The homedemic started when a four-year-old fell ill. Three days later, he has recuperated, but the virus rages on.

In Tomorrow's Edition: The Homedemic's Impact on Education

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